A Simple Satisfying Plate Of Creamy Beans & Chorizo

When in doubt, cook.

It’s entirely unnecessary to say that it has been a heavy, heavy week (month? year? decade?). So here is a dinner that can be on the table in 20 minutes and is tasty enough to silence the roar of the void – at least for the duration of the eating.

I feel very self-absorbed saying this but in my own tiny universe things have been close to unbearable. This unbearable thing is one of the hardest things to weather and, in my time, I’ve sampled many a shit thing (addiction! illness! grief!). Something is happening to my son and, everywhere I turn, help seems out of reach.

A good representation of how desperate I feel is that I have actually, after all these years, REJOINED FACEBOOK because every group pertaining to our little private battle seems to only exist on there. FFS.

While my difficulty is beyond minor in the grand scheme, the feelings of despair and helplessness are ones we are all experiencing right now whether witnessing our own small sadnesses or watching the world slide further and further from safety and fairness and kindness. And really, isn’t it actually just both.

Sorry I don’t have any comforting words to add here, though obviously there is no measure of how fortunate I feel to have food and shelter and so on with the unceasing cascade of horrors on my phone screen.

We hear a lot about comfort eating but I find when I’m upset, my appetite evaporates and I pretty much lose the will around making food. It’s annoying. A measure of where I’m currently at mentally is how many times I had popcorn for dinner this week (four).

So on Thursday night, I opened the fridge and said to myself if I can’t comfort eat, I can at least comfort cook.

Making food is a legitimately therapeutic activity. When I was having my little mini-break in the psyche ward, one of the activities we could do as part of the occupational therapy was baking. I think the methodical steps and required focus helps to slow down the racing thoughts. Cooking subdues the rampant anxiety of a fractious mind and when we’re depressed, making something can feel like a small win in among the barrage of thoughts telling you what a worthless piece of shit you are. (Gotta love our brains.)