brilliant. i went back to work fulltime in september after being on carer's leave to mind my son and went to the dr the week before because I hadn't been sleeping so well worrying about going back. she gave me a caring look and said 'if you're not sleeping maybe that's a sign that you're just not ready to return to work yet...' and I was thinking 'ok great well write me the fucking mortgage prescription then please and otherwise why are we having this entirely pointless conversation.' i am having a burned out sort of week and was wondering how to deal with it what with helpful things like not working being off the table, and reading this I remembered that when I went back to work in September and I felt really overwhelmed I went to bed super early as much as I could and it really helped. thanks for reminding me. (I also wholeheartedly concur that not cooking and even not eating well CAN be looking after yourself! My son got very sick two years ago and the first thing I did was stop cooking. at all. I went from someone who cooked every meal from scratch to not cooking more than a slice of toast for the bones of a year. I feel like loads of people lumped that in the 'she's losing it' category but for me it's still one of the kindest things i did for myself in that shit show of a year :) sometimes what's needed is what is easy.
Rachel , I am so so sorry you have bee dealing with SO much – you're a hero frankly. And yeah it is so interesting how from the outside giving up cooking can be perceived as "letting yourself go" or some such and that is complete wank. I am really glad you gave yourself permission to fucking do that. The carers leave is such enormous work and then you are returning to other work – there's just so little respite. I;m glad you are prioritising sleep. I go when i put my kids to bed. Even if i don't fall asleep right then (tea, chocolate and reading is my other prescription) it deffo helps to feel more rested.
Koka noodles,pasta stir in and stuffed tortellini..my go-to menu for when life is a shitshow..although I spent the other evening washing the pasta stir in off 2 kids plates coz they decided they didnt like the thing they'd eaten at least 50 times previous...so true that burnout is not reserved for the successful and highly driven.. it catches up to us all..like u say,we just have to take one thing off our lists..for me its always dinner and the house..
oh 100 percent re the house. And also like there is many other people living in the house who need to do SOMETHING. I've delegated dishwasher and trips to Tesco for messages to my 10 year old. It's actually really helped
How to keep house while drowning is an incredible book more about chronic illness/mental illness but think some of the tips in it would apply. There’s an audiobook of it too.
So here I was ranting about being on the verge of burnout while my koka noodles cooked. I open my emails and find this article. I had a pretty big burnout in 2019 and unfortunately a redundancy followed by a world wide pandemic did the job in recalibrating things for me.
Now it's planning dinners for the week, keeping a press full of koka noodles and learning to ask for help that keeps it from my door
Or my favourite advise .... “delegate” so you can redo it later when your more tired 🤣 love it Sophie, reading this waiting h for the 3yr old to sleep so I can crawl to my own bed
Nov 13, 2023·edited Nov 14, 2023Liked by Sophie White
Yes! These are the things that need to be said out loud. Can totally relate to burnout creeping up ever so subtly. I will be adding Eat the koka noodle to my list of affirmations!
I am pretty sure I have been burned out for the last 4 years straight. My employers solution to this is a book club about The Happiness Advantage. Fuuuuuuuuuu$^#% you (my employer, not you)
Right! And the book is basically some toxic positivity about how you're not happy because you're not trying hard enough. (I read it back before I was burned out and there are a couple useful nuggets for not overwhelmed people, but very tone deaf for ER doctors after COVID)
Amen for koka noodles and easy food! I also think it's okay to ask for and accept help. In my case I am a bit of a control freak so this is difficult, but when I do accept help, well, it helps! :-)
yep you are so right re asking for help. Like my mum used to come and hold my baby in the early evening so i could eat my dinner and to this day it was one of the kindest things ever
A fantastically written piece, and a great thinking point. So many burnout articles just read like #hustle articles in disguise. This is the most refreshing alternative I’ve read. Thank you.
Ironically, or aptly, due to my own insane levels of tasks the last few weeks, I'm only getting to read this now. So bloody true, Sophie. Things I've found that really helps me manage: allowing the kids to eat their smorgasbord of snacks, or cheese on toast, for dinner every night and growling at anybody who says anything to me about it; prioritising watching all my Real Housewives franchises over housework; hiding unfolded laundry in the hot press; buying pastries and having one for breakfast each day with my coffee; final one is kinda wankerish, but it works - exercise and meditation, as much as I'm able to.
I reeeeally support the "smorgasbord of snacks", now to somehow keep the house stocked with them!!!! Exercise has really fallen off my list in that last two months but I know I'll get it back so trying not to use that as another stick to beat myself with lol
I remember having a chat with someone online about levels of parenting burnout and wrecking their buzz completely because they’d suggested perhaps getting hit by a car so they’d get a few days off parenting, and I had to tell them that no, some of us did the getting hit by a car and got sent home the same day with two panadol, so there’s not even a promise of a relaxing day on the ward and some terrible hospital food coming your way.
Definitely with you on the crawling into bed once kiddo is in bed and just staying put with some trashy reality tv.
I know a guy who had a really next-level shitty morning with his toddler a few days ago and then got a knock from a car and the driver jumped out trying to apologise and check if he was ok, and the poor lad was so wrecked from the toddler morning that he was just like... doesn't matter, please stop talking to me.
brilliant. i went back to work fulltime in september after being on carer's leave to mind my son and went to the dr the week before because I hadn't been sleeping so well worrying about going back. she gave me a caring look and said 'if you're not sleeping maybe that's a sign that you're just not ready to return to work yet...' and I was thinking 'ok great well write me the fucking mortgage prescription then please and otherwise why are we having this entirely pointless conversation.' i am having a burned out sort of week and was wondering how to deal with it what with helpful things like not working being off the table, and reading this I remembered that when I went back to work in September and I felt really overwhelmed I went to bed super early as much as I could and it really helped. thanks for reminding me. (I also wholeheartedly concur that not cooking and even not eating well CAN be looking after yourself! My son got very sick two years ago and the first thing I did was stop cooking. at all. I went from someone who cooked every meal from scratch to not cooking more than a slice of toast for the bones of a year. I feel like loads of people lumped that in the 'she's losing it' category but for me it's still one of the kindest things i did for myself in that shit show of a year :) sometimes what's needed is what is easy.
Rachel , I am so so sorry you have bee dealing with SO much – you're a hero frankly. And yeah it is so interesting how from the outside giving up cooking can be perceived as "letting yourself go" or some such and that is complete wank. I am really glad you gave yourself permission to fucking do that. The carers leave is such enormous work and then you are returning to other work – there's just so little respite. I;m glad you are prioritising sleep. I go when i put my kids to bed. Even if i don't fall asleep right then (tea, chocolate and reading is my other prescription) it deffo helps to feel more rested.
Sending you so much love .XXX
Koka noodles,pasta stir in and stuffed tortellini..my go-to menu for when life is a shitshow..although I spent the other evening washing the pasta stir in off 2 kids plates coz they decided they didnt like the thing they'd eaten at least 50 times previous...so true that burnout is not reserved for the successful and highly driven.. it catches up to us all..like u say,we just have to take one thing off our lists..for me its always dinner and the house..
oh 100 percent re the house. And also like there is many other people living in the house who need to do SOMETHING. I've delegated dishwasher and trips to Tesco for messages to my 10 year old. It's actually really helped
How to keep house while drowning is an incredible book more about chronic illness/mental illness but think some of the tips in it would apply. There’s an audiobook of it too.
That sounds amazing i am gonna download is right away and listen while trudging around my shitemare of a house!!!
This has been life changing for me. My house is messy, but I also feel a lot of better.
So here I was ranting about being on the verge of burnout while my koka noodles cooked. I open my emails and find this article. I had a pretty big burnout in 2019 and unfortunately a redundancy followed by a world wide pandemic did the job in recalibrating things for me.
Now it's planning dinners for the week, keeping a press full of koka noodles and learning to ask for help that keeps it from my door
It's so good that you managed to reset a bit and give yourself grace in the cooking department! But fuck you've been dealing with so much.
Or my favourite advise .... “delegate” so you can redo it later when your more tired 🤣 love it Sophie, reading this waiting h for the 3yr old to sleep so I can crawl to my own bed
Yeah i think as women it can be so hard to delegate, we're just not socialised to do it but it is so important
Yes! These are the things that need to be said out loud. Can totally relate to burnout creeping up ever so subtly. I will be adding Eat the koka noodle to my list of affirmations!
on the affirmations list – i LOVE it!!!
I am pretty sure I have been burned out for the last 4 years straight. My employers solution to this is a book club about The Happiness Advantage. Fuuuuuuuuuu$^#% you (my employer, not you)
oh GOD!!!! Exhausted? Here's some fuckin homework for you!!!
Right! And the book is basically some toxic positivity about how you're not happy because you're not trying hard enough. (I read it back before I was burned out and there are a couple useful nuggets for not overwhelmed people, but very tone deaf for ER doctors after COVID)
Argh! That book. 🤦🏼♀️
Amen for koka noodles and easy food! I also think it's okay to ask for and accept help. In my case I am a bit of a control freak so this is difficult, but when I do accept help, well, it helps! :-)
yep you are so right re asking for help. Like my mum used to come and hold my baby in the early evening so i could eat my dinner and to this day it was one of the kindest things ever
I love this. It could not have arrived at a better time. I’m off to make some koka noodles.
Boom!
A fantastically written piece, and a great thinking point. So many burnout articles just read like #hustle articles in disguise. This is the most refreshing alternative I’ve read. Thank you.
Thank you Tom! "hustle articles in disguise" you have NAILED it.
Ironically, or aptly, due to my own insane levels of tasks the last few weeks, I'm only getting to read this now. So bloody true, Sophie. Things I've found that really helps me manage: allowing the kids to eat their smorgasbord of snacks, or cheese on toast, for dinner every night and growling at anybody who says anything to me about it; prioritising watching all my Real Housewives franchises over housework; hiding unfolded laundry in the hot press; buying pastries and having one for breakfast each day with my coffee; final one is kinda wankerish, but it works - exercise and meditation, as much as I'm able to.
I reeeeally support the "smorgasbord of snacks", now to somehow keep the house stocked with them!!!! Exercise has really fallen off my list in that last two months but I know I'll get it back so trying not to use that as another stick to beat myself with lol
I remember having a chat with someone online about levels of parenting burnout and wrecking their buzz completely because they’d suggested perhaps getting hit by a car so they’d get a few days off parenting, and I had to tell them that no, some of us did the getting hit by a car and got sent home the same day with two panadol, so there’s not even a promise of a relaxing day on the ward and some terrible hospital food coming your way.
Definitely with you on the crawling into bed once kiddo is in bed and just staying put with some trashy reality tv.
I know a guy who had a really next-level shitty morning with his toddler a few days ago and then got a knock from a car and the driver jumped out trying to apologise and check if he was ok, and the poor lad was so wrecked from the toddler morning that he was just like... doesn't matter, please stop talking to me.